“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevails against him, two shall withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
During that last Christmas, I had a most sombre day brooding over the loss of all my loved ones who normally make the Christmas season a memorable one for me but then at midday, I self-advised and resolved to make the day a happy one and the highpoint of my day was visitation with an older friend and her family for a couple of hours.
The whole house smelled yummy as we munched everything chewable in sight. My friend, a sensitive woman, had asked me weeks earlier what I would want to take for Christmas to her home, I requested the Afang soup and Garri but to my surprise, she prepared me white soup and Garri instead. It was my first time tasting this delicacy and I gave her an ‘A’ for taste. This was followed by a dessert of coconut cake and sweet fizzy drinks and over these sumptuous meals, I noticed her older daughter in her thirties moving morosely around the house and for the umpteenth time I asked my friend when her daughter would be married.
Intriguingly, my friend pulled me aside and explained to me that the young lady was to marry recently but then it was discovered that both the belle and her beau were of the AS genotype and this marked the end of the relationship. This explanation was a sure conversation starter between me and the young lady as I registered my displeasure at the way the issue was handled as Christian.
Modern medicine has done a notable job of information dissemination about the danger inherent in marriage between a couple who share the AS genotype, encouraging marriage between the AS and AA genotypes, AA and AA genotypes, and AA and SS genotypes to reduce the risk of couples producing offspring of SS genotype. The SS genotype engenders the sickle cell anaemia disease which afflicts the victims with a life of sickness and pain much to the sadness of the victim, family, and friends.
Anyone who ever had a family member afflicted with sickle cell anaemia would do just about anything to avoid finding themselves in a situation like this ever again with its attendant regular visits and admissions in hospitals mentioning less the overwhelming financial burden that is a normal part of managing the ailment with everyone hoping that the victim will attain to Age 40 when it is thought that the disease would be less life-threatening.
Nevertheless, avoiding producing forbears afflicted with sickle cell anaemia is one thing while ending a relationship because of supposed Genotype incompatibility is another.
Firstly as Christians, our faith places a high premium on marriage such that the Bible says so much about the married barren (from Abraham and Sarah to Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachael, Elizabeth and Zacharias, etc) but little about the single indicating that being single at a certain age is unnatural and unacceptable. Indeed we are counselled that, “marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4). This biblical position also implies that we should all aspire to marry and remain married except in some unusual cases where the Lord may counsel otherwise.
Secondly, the most important reason we should marry as far as the Christian faith is concerned is to avoid spiritual aloneness which often encourages satanic influence and destiny manipulations. Marriage is a bulwark protecting from the devil and is rated higher than parenthood which is presented biblically as a privilege (Psalm 127:3).
A Christian marriage is therefore complete and able to serve its purpose even without children. Our text above as well as God’s judgement in the case of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar (Genesis 21) underscores this point.
Moreover, the African culture of overrating childbearing in marriage (to the point of discouraging any marriage that may not serve the purpose of child-rearing) should be abhorred by all genuine Christians understanding that this culture originates from ‘Hoodoo’ our native spirituality and not Christianity. Hoodoo as a spirituality is well known for its emphasis on childrearing such that a Hoodoo adherent without children or grandchildren is bound to be disadvantaged in the practice and except a Christian intends to transition to Hoodoo in the future the biblical position on marriage should be maintained.
Furthermore, the subject of Genotype should be a blessing and not a curse to the Christian considering that with advancements in medical technology, an intending couple could easily avoid the pitfalls of the older generations. Many Churches encourage intending couples to ascertain their genotypes before marriage while recoiling from marrying couples who share the AS genotype but then it is the prerogative of the intending couples involved to decide on this matter.
For this reason, I appreciate the Jehovah’s Witness position that allows the intending couple to decide for themselves when they are faced with Genotype issues. In the course of my practice, I have met persons who ended promising relationships on account of AS genotype issues but had regrets later in life and for this reason, it is advisable that intending AS genotype-sharing couples should consider all godly options before resorting to ending the relationship. Discovering that the 2 parties intending to marry are of the AS genotype probably represents the first challenge to be handled as a couple and the manner this matter is resolved can reflect how other issues may arise in the course of the marital journey will be generally handled.
Considering that The AS genotype issue relates purely to the subject of raising healthy children, would the couple want to take advantage of advancement in medical technology by selecting to bear only children of AA and AS genotypes or do they want to consider adoption? Would they be willing to foster a relative child, or would they want to avoid raising children altogether? It must also be noted that no matter what is done, some couples will never bear children, and as such an intending AS genotype couple may curiously fall into this category.
We also must be mindful of the fact that Christ being a deity does not reason like men (Isaiah 55:8-9), the AS couple could actually be the will of God, and fighting the will of God rarely ends well. A prospective partner who only desires the dissolution of the relationship despite all the godly options available should be obliterated from the heart.
Finally, for us to be whole, it is important that we give and accept love from a deserving person of the opposite sex for this is the order of nature. Marriage is God’s provision for meeting this need and not parenting. Any attempts to undermine the validity of a Christian marriage under whatever trivial guise will not be of God. Be thoroughly advised.
Dare Oduwole, a Christian counsellor, can be contacted via 08027291632
