Desperation to live abroad has been causing ripples, separation, emotional problems, and avoidable deaths among many Nigerians of late. Aside from many other issues, OLUSEGUN OLANREWAJU writes on the undercurrents that sometimes drive people aspiring for a better life away from their shores to the edge of existence. The real question, experts say, is henpecked on the simple logic: should people desert their families for a ‘better life’, pay or perks, at home, for any material or spiritual reason, abroad?
The rate at which Nigerians are migrating to foreign lands, these days, under the obnoxious ‘Japa’ syndrome, has become worrisome. And, rather than the other well-known ramifications of the problem such as brain drain and dislocation, sociological issues associated with desperate migrations to foreign climes by sundry people, mostly the youth and those in the productive age, are giving everyone, so to speak, worry.
Tales abound of late about the horrible dimension of such ‘voluntary migrations’, most of which are job and social security-related. These include dislocation of families and attendant job risks that set people edging when they eventually get to their ‘land of dreams’ that could eventually turn career and life-threatening.
*Experiences
Some recent incidents that have heightened the rather forbidding issues of families living apart from their relations and spouses, at home and abroad, are raising heavy questions.
They pertain to the case studies presented by the narratives surrounding the deaths, first, of a University of Calabar (UNICAL) political science lecturer, Prof Felix Akpan, who was found dead in his apartment by the police recently.
Police confirmed that the lonely-living university don had been found dead or murdered in his home, on a weekend, with multiple stab wounds.
Speaking to the media, Cross River State Police Command spokesperson, Irene Ugbo, who confirmed the recovery of Akpan’s corpse, said the professor’s body had been discovered on a rest day, Sunday, with multiple stab wounds, at Plot 181, Duke Town Close, State Housing, Calabar, the state capital.
The police spokesperson also revealed that arrests had been made in connection with the lecturer’s demise, and that investigation was ongoing.
“We have a suspect in custody who claims to be a friend of the deceased (Akpan). He said he does not know what happened to him, or who stabbed him to death,” the police image-maker said.
She, however, added, “Our crack team of detectives has already swung into action. We will soon get to the root of the matter by unravelling who the killer is.”
A source familiar with the matter was also quoted as saying that the deceased had had a guest on the day before, Saturday, but he left very early on Sunday before the deceased’s body was eventually found.
“He had a male guest who came visiting at the weekend, but the person left very early on Sunday at about 5am,” the source said.
“A lady who stays in the compound said she heard a scream the same day the visitor, who has now been confirmed to be a friend, left his apartment and alerted people in the neighbourhood about the noise.
“Perhaps, he forgot something that made him come back to the victim’s house, where he was apprehended and taken to Prof’s apartment where we saw the lifeless body of Akpan with multiple stabs.”
Akpan’s story is sad, but the factor thrown up in the wake of the matter was the fact that the deceased, before his death, was said to be living apart from his family staying abroad, one of the many stories of such serenading the uncomforting effects of the ‘Japa’ syndrome now common among youths and expert workers, and even artisans, who celebrate living outside the country to live the ‘better life’.
*Migration at all costs?
The emotional factor has been elevated to the front burner of arguments as to ‘why they would just not stay at home’?
Of a fact, Nigerians have been leaving their country in droves, particularly talented professionals, creating a dearth of specialists, a surplus of lonely couples, and separated families back home. And this is not minding the tendency that people generally desire a better life where they can get one.
A recent report painted a scarier scenario when it published that no fewer than 162 Nigerian-trained doctors were licensed to practice in the UK in the six weeks preceding March 15, 2023.
According to the register of the General Medical Council (GMC) of the UK, a public body that maintains the official register of medical practitioners within the country, within 42 days, it was observed that the number of Nigerian-trained doctors practising in the UK rose from 10,824 to 10,986.
“This implies that at least three Nigerian-trained doctors were licensed per day from February 2 to March 15, 2023,” the report said.
It added, “Nigeria has been faced with worrying brain drain in recent times, with many professionals, including doctors, leaving the country for greener pastures.
“It was also observed that Nigeria has the third highest number of foreign doctors working in the UK after India (31,979) and Pakistan (18,490).
“While the Federal Government claimed that brain drain is not peculiar to Nigeria, the World Health Organisation warned that this could negatively impact the health care system and hinder progress towards achieving universal health coverage and health security.”
Also, a 2023 health workforce support and safeguards list report by the global health policeman, the World Health Organisation (WHO), showed that Nigeria and 36 other African countries face the most pressing health workforce challenges related to UHC (Universal Health Care).
The President of the Nigerian Association of Resident Doctors (NARD), Emeka Orji, said, “There is a need for a review of the salary structure, and the government needs to work with the medical bodies to resolve their lingering concerns.”
Also reacting, the President of the Medical and Dental Consultants Association of Nigeria (MDCN), Victor Makanjuola, said the country needed to produce about 12,000 doctors annually to meet the required number of physicians.
Makanjuola said the disturbing analysis shows that nine out of every 10 medical and dental consultants with less than five years of experience plan to leave the country for greener pastures.
Some two years earlier, precisely between July and September 2021, reports indicated that the UK employed 353 Nigerian doctors, who were registered to work as medical practitioners in the country, within 100 days.
The Vice-President of NARD, Julian Ojebo, said the rate of migration might double in the coming weeks since doctors were not given the right remuneration.
Ojebo also stated that the doctors migrating to Saudi Arabia might even be more than those moving to the UK.
“I am sure the figure will double within the next month,” he warned.
The situation is the same in virtually all sectors, especially in the professions such as Information and Communication Technology (ICT); Banking, Teaching, Nursing, and Artisanship.
*The lure
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Many husbands are living separately across the global divide, without contact and passion. Some argue that this has compounded criminality and prostitution (disguised or real).
There are two approaches to the issue of families living apart, and at long distances, as well as the effect it has on their mental and emotional balance.
While many believe that living apart together seems an odd practice, others, however, say it could be positive and gain in popularity.
An expert said, “Hey, I’m from the old school, and it never crossed my mind to marry someone and live in different homes, but now, it seems like a viable option.”
A study notes that Living Apart Together, or LAT, is something people do a lot these days. “While I don’t think I would be a fan, there are many who claim it works great for them. It has even improved the overall lifestyle and peace of mind for some people. Let’s delve into the subject, shall we?”
But others think that no matter the purpose, Nigerians are losing many in the diaspora and back at home for different purposes bordering on loneliness and spousal separation, among others.
“These couples are still devoted fully to the relationship or marriage, they just want their own space.
“Living apart together seems to have become a popular modern trend, even if a couple has children. The father may stay until the children are tucked into bed, return to his own home and then come back to help with breakfast. Hmm, it seems like a lot of trouble to me, personally. But if it works for some, I guess it works pretty well.”
“(But) in some circumstances, different homes may be at distances too far for this sort of interaction, and children get less time with one or more parents. I hate to say it, but it seems like joint custody in this case. But there goes my opinion again, and it’s just an opinion.”
*Materials
Others, however, are not so optimistic about the prospects of couples living apart, no matter the reason.
One of those in this school, Nemanja Manojlovic, an editor at MyCity Web, has itemised seven areas of struggle ‘Only people who live miles away from their family will understand.’
Monojlovic pens that those who find themselves in cases like those of Prof. Akpan, experience what they would term “dysfunctional” in old sitcoms.
He writes, “Spending a few hours in a room with granddads, grandmas, uncles, aunts, your parents and siblings who like to tease you, can make you lose your cool and want to hit yourself over the head with a rock.
“However, as I found out when I left my small, yet warm-hearted and proud country nestled deep in the heart of the Balkan Peninsula and spent a couple of years in London, family ties run deep.
“You don’t even realise how much they mean to you or how much they contribute to your mental and emotional well-being until you’re cut off, and get to see them only a couple of times a year.” Some never do.
According to Manojlovic, aspects of culture shock could also lead to frustrations that may drive people living abroad to the edge. “We can’t share some of our little moments with our new friends. There are certain things that you grow up with, common interests that you only share with your closest family. For me, it was always boxing and wrestling with my dad and our hunting trips.”
*Good to live far away from your family?
An online counselling platform has tried to answer this question, ‘objectively’. CouplesPop asks people who live far away from their families whether they may feel lonely or empty.
“You may suddenly find yourself struggling abroad. Those who find themselves in this situation may be trying to get back together with their families because they think it will make them feel better…
“Is it good to live far away from your family? On the one hand, the platform suggests, living far away from my family allows my new, immediate family to develop, bond, and have their adventures.
“It could also afford the opportunity of independence: “Your family is like a safety blanket to you, and now that you’ve had to let go of it, it’s an opportunity for you to grow as a person.”
And so, is it OK to move away from your family? It answers, “It is OK for you to relocate away from your family. It may be the finest decision you’ve ever made.”
It is generally believed that people who live far away from their families miss a lot.
“You miss the affection and support that they provided when you were with them. You treasure the memories and happy times you had with them.
“Communication can be lost when you are living away from family, the longer you leave a question unanswered, or you don’t speak what you feel, resentment can build up quite hard.”
*Increasing divorce cases
Of late, Nigeria has recorded several cases of divorce and divorcee-related cases, especially among those who travel abroad. The same happens to separation among couples who live apart as a result of one of them who travelled abroad.
There has also been a dramatic rise in instances of women/men having extramarital affairs because of loneliness arising from living, as they call it, ‘worlds apart’.
Recently, a Canada-based lawyer raised the alarm over cases of Nigerian couples divorcing themselves abroad.
A respondent to this issue asked a pertinent question; “Why is it that when Nigerian couples migrate abroad, they tend to fall apart? Many ladies called from the diaspora had different responses.
A programme, True Talke TV, attributed the main reason for divorce within the diaspora community to culture shock, lack of coordinated community support, and the unwillingness of spouses, especially our men, to adjust to the unique hands-on needs of western society…teamwork is necessary ‘’.
A Nigerian living abroad, simply identified as Beecee, said, “With the martial issue, you just hit the nail on the head. Most Nigerian men abroad are yet to bend their heads to know there is no more help in the diaspora. They want her to go to work, be the new housemaid, and also perform in za oza room. Haba, how can this work na?”
Another online commentator, TikkyShack, tweeted: “What’s the deal with African men? They should get a life already. Everything about them is control, respect, etc. Y’all ain’t got nothing else other than that?!!!😩. Divorce happens everywhere, even in Nigeria.”
Another Diasporan, Ugoaku Ikechukwu, added, “Relocation only brings dysfunctional marriages to light. Power imbalances abound in many marriages in Nigeria. Once relocated, the new society automatically creates awareness in both parties and of course, the person at the receiving end naturally demands equity.
“In our case, women who travel abroad realise that they now have the “right environment” to demand equitable treatment. Which she does. (It’s even a shame that a full-grown adult “has” to demand equity in marriage) However, if the man fails to adjust to their new reality, the marriage begins to travel on the road to a breakdown and, ultimately, a divorce.
“Also, it’s not always automatically the men who lose or women who gain, in a divorce. It could be any of them.
“If it’s mainly to get government benefits, then it evolves to real divorce because one side eventually loses any rights over the other.
Debbie Ogunjobi wrote, “The number problem is when the man or the woman goes out to marry for citizen(ship). Most especially, it is the man that goes out to marry. I have seen a lot when I stayed in Chicago, USA.”
Yet another respondent, who simply identified herself as a ‘Real Diplomat’, however, held, “If our Southern Nigerian women are complaining about oppression, how about Northern Nigerian women?
“Let the women come to Nigeria and pick a husband and take him abroad after two years. Let her divorce him and see how painful it is, rubbish.”
Odion Ugbiyobo said, “People do not adapt, especially men, to their new environment. Where there is none, if you do not have loving-kindness to help out, shower kids, wash dishes, etc, you might just find yourself in that boat. Jesus said it is the hardness, that is, wickedness in people’s hearts that leads to divorce.
Others attribute the severity of japa-related divorces to the tendency that, “The Asian and Muslim wives don’t misbehave or allow the culture of the west to affect their marriages. They remain loyal and respectful to their husbands while living abroad.”
“I don’t think it is Nigerian women only. It is a universal problem; when women of third world countries get empowered /enlightened/and become amalgamated in the culture of equality…financially educationally and legally. And great ungodliness…”
Festus Adebisi attributes the ‘the whole problem’ to the Nigerian culture and finance in marriage. “Our culture expects the man to finance virtually everything. The foundation of the whole problem starts with the money the government, especially in Canada pays for children.”
George Ogbonna, “The ones that are still married to their Nigerian wives have hearts of gold, a faint-hearted man would call it bluff and walk away because of the way the so-called Nigerian wives are behaving these days!
