By Hakeem Bolaji, Abeokuta
A woman from Ogun State, Oyende Ibukunoluwun Temitayo, has fled Nigeria with her two children following alleged threats to her life and safety from members of her community, her husband’s family and the Police after her sexual orientation became known.
Oyende, a married Christian and mother of two, said the threats intensified in 2018 after a relative of her husband exposed her bisexuality, leading to hostility within the family and the wider community.
She alleged that the situation escalated when the matter was reported to the Police, prompting fears of arrest, mob violence and possible harm to her children.
According to her account, personal items belonging to one of her female partners were allegedly submitted to the Police as evidence, resulting in the arrest of the woman.
She said that after the arrest, the Police and members of the community began searching for her, while her husband’s family intensified efforts to locate her children.
“When they involved the police, my husband rushed us out of town immediately,” Oyende said. “We could not stay in one place because we were afraid that we could be arrested or killed.”
She said the family moved repeatedly, staying in distant locations to avoid being traced. “Our children could not go to school normally, and we were always living in fear,” she added.
Oyende traced the roots of her ordeal to a traumatic experience in 1999, when she was 17 years old and preparing for her West African Examination Council (WAEC) examinations in Lagos.
She said she was raped by a man her family trusted and regarded as a close associate.
“He forced himself on me despite my cries and pleas,” she said. “That incident changed my life completely.”
She said the rape was never reported to the authorities because of the stigma associated with sexual assault in her community and the fear that it could ruin her prospects.
According to her, her parents chose silence as a means of protection.
“In our community, victims of rape are blamed and bullied,” she said. “My parents hid it because they believed it was the only way to protect my future.”
Oyende said the trauma had long-term emotional and psychological effects, influencing her later relationships.
She said she entered into same-sex relationships, which she kept secret for years, because of fear of arrest, violence and social exclusion.
In 2009, she said her mother discovered her in a relationship with another woman.
Fearing violent reprisals from community members and possible police action, her mother quickly arranged her marriage to a man in another part of Lagos to shield her from danger.
She said she tried to settle into married life and lived peacefully with her husband for several years, during which they had two children, born in 2011 and 2015.
According to her, the family lived without incident until her sexuality was exposed in 2018.
“They said I was an abomination and that I had brought shame to the family,” she said. “They threatened to report me and said my children would be taken away from me.”
She alleged that following the police report, community members began to openly threaten her, while relatives demanded access to her children.
“At that point, it was no longer about me alone,” she said. “It was about the safety of my children.”
Oyende said the family eventually concluded that remaining in Nigeria posed a serious risk to their lives.
She told her husband sought assistance to secure travel documents, and after several months, they were able to leave the country in May 2024.
“We did not leave because we were looking for comfort or a better life,” she said. “We left because we wanted to stay alive and protect our children.”
Efforts to obtain a response from the Ogun State Police Command were unsuccessful.
Messages sent to the command’s spokesperson, Omolola Odutola, were not returned as of the time of filing this report.
