“Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman prays unto God uncovered? Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man has long hair, it is a shame unto him? But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her; for her hair is given her for a covering.” (1 Corinthians 11:13-15).
“My husband is finer than yours!” the new bride declared gleefully to her recently a married friend and I laughed at the hilarious joke. This joke became cliché in the late 90s and early 2000s in my community when most of my mates were getting married and much joy was in the air of the otherwise quiet town where I was born and raised.
Interestingly, no bride would make a joke of ‘my husband is younger than I’, although this aberration continues to happen as weddings hold everywhere and would equally attract attention.
The attention, however, would be an ambivalent one while the statement would be a sure conversation starter and the subject of gossip at the reception table, clearly because we belong to a culture that expects a husband to be older than a wife. Despite this culture, nowadays, more women are espousing younger men not in defiance of the culture but due to an unwillingness to become old maids and a determination to seize the day.
The typical attitude after taking this type of decision is that of silence about the age anomaly and addressing it only when it is necessary such as when important documents have to be filled.
This attitude of convenient silence is necessarily the disposition of culpable individuals to a culture and society that is yet to openly embrace this type of marriage which is quite acceptable in some other parts of the world.
For instance, the French President, Mr Emmanuel Macron is about 25 years younger than his wife; Brigitte, who was his High school teacher, and the marriage seems to be working fine but here in Africa, Voodoo would be blamed for such an alliance while both mothers-in-law would distance themselves from the affair.
While an example could easily be drawn from the Western world using the French President and his wife, it is somewhat difficult to mention a Nigerian couple of such public stature as an equal example not because such couples do not exist but rather because of silence about the age issue, keeping the details safely tucked away from public knowledge even though the age difference might not even be much.
A cursory view of the Western Christian community also reveals that certain men of God were younger than their wives. For example Pastor Derek Prince, a respectable Bible teacher and author of the popular book for single Christians; ‘God is a Matchmaker’, was much younger than his first wife Lydia Prince with an age difference of about 30 years and the marriage subsisted until the death of Lydia Prince at age 84 leaving the husband to marry once again, this time to a much younger woman in the person of Ruth Prince.
Nevertheless, I learnt about an Ilaro, Ogun state woman several years ago who was childless, and upon consultations with the African deities, a much younger man was recommended to bring an end to her ordeal and she eventually married a man young enough to be her son. In a case such as this, people frown less for it is culturally acceptable to revere deities and unquestioningly defer to their counsels.
Interestingly, after the arrival of the much-sought child, the youthful husband, perhaps feeling awkward, would not provide upkeep for the mother and baby. This continued until family and friends intervened, straightening out the young man by helping him to appreciate that regardless of his wife’s advanced age, it was his responsibility to provide for her and his child.
The Bible interestingly is not silent about the acceptable age difference between a man and his wife as many assume but shows us the path to tow in this matter by examples for it reads in (1 Corinthians 10:11, “Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world have come.”).
Summarily, we are expected to learn from the examples laid by the matriarchs and patriarchs of faith who have gone ahead of us to Beulah land. An example of a marriage (whether the marriage is the will of God or otherwise) where a husband is younger than the wife is not presented anywhere in the Bible.
Beginning from the very first marriage between Adam and Eve, which was ceremonially conducted by God himself to those ceremonially conducted by men such as that Isaac and Rebecca, there are no such examples.
However, there are ample examples presented of much older husbands married to youthful wives. These include the union of Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 3:10), Isaac and Rebecca (Genesis 25:20), and the Shunammite woman and her elderly husband (2 Kings 4:14).
Moreover, considering our Bible text stated above; Christians are encouraged to learn about godly principles from nature understanding clearly that nature is a vestige of God the creator himself and indeed a Christian with no respect for or appreciation of nature is an ignorant one.
Christianity minus nature is equal to disaster. We learn from nature simply by observing and contemplating the ancient presentations of the creator on any issue.
For instance, as stated in our Bible text above, nature teaches that the hair of a woman should be long while that of a man should be shorter and humanity to a large extent has continued to follow this pattern.
Furthermore, nature divided the earth into continents establishing various races on continents best suited to their peculiar physical and spiritual features and needs.
Before the availability of religious texts on the subject of sexuality, nature had taught as usual by illustration, that sexual union and by extension marriage should be between persons of the opposite sex. In the same manner, nature teaches that a man should be older than his wife and much of humanity has continued to respect this presentation.
As Christians we are expected to respect nature and avoid embracing modern lifestyles that pitch us contrary to nature for one contrary to nature is one contrary to God. Nevertheless, in a situation where a couple has ignorantly contracted a marriage of this sort, it is advisable to continue to make this marriage work following the counsel of Acts 17:30.
However, intending Christian couples should abhor this type of union which is both culturally and scripturally unacceptable, knowing that the devil is often behind all human arrangements of living in a manner contrary to nature’s provisions.
In all my years of counselling practice involving singles, I am yet to come upon a single person who sought the will of God in marriage and was led by the spirit of God into this anomaly, but the same cannot be said of counsels emanating from familiar spirits who seem to be fond of counselling contrary to nature or leading clients into a life of shame occasioned by accepting embarrassing marital partners as God’s will. Be advised that God’s will is never contrary to nature.
Dare Oduwole is a Nouthetic Christian counsellor and founder of Godly Counsel Christian Foundation, Abuja. She can be contacted via 08027291632.
